Blah

I’ve been feeling horrible recently – for about two months, maybe even longer. I’m not exactly sure why. I have to take iron pills for Low Iron Deficiency Anemia. I wasn’t taking them for a while but started taking it daily this week. I was getting dizzy, randomly nauseous and at times just plain weird! I put off going to the hospital for a while and the day of my accident since I was there, I figured, “why not?” Doctor did a urine test and said I was a bit dehydrated and that could be causing my symptoms. I’ve always drank water, that’s basically the only thing I drink, except for an occasional soda if/when I go out to eat. When the doctor noticed I was carrying bottled water she suggested I drink Gatorade. I began drinking lots of PowerAde Zero and although I feel much better (when I drink at least 8-10 cups) I’m still not feeling so great. *sigh*

These past two weeks haven’t been so great. I feel as if I barely have any energy. I’m always tired, sometimes dizzy, and nauseous? Today I was feeling blah so I basically binged on ice cream and Oreos – And may I add, that I didn’t even enjoy them! I was eating it just to eat – and that’s worse than if I would’ve eaten some yummy Ben & Jerry’s Cheesecake ice cream and loved it. I’ve never been one to get down on myself for eating some goodies. But for me to eat it just because? Well, that’s no good. No good at all.  It’s time for me to stand up and just do it. Push through my blah-ness, push through my discouragement – and just do it!!

My brother and I are challenging each other to see who could win the most weight by April 14^th, (the week in-between both of our birthdays.) I had been trying to convince him to join me in a challenge for MONTHS and finally he agreed. He has lost 35 pounds and is now five pounds heavier than me. Just FIVE pounds. He has about 80 pounds to lose for his goal and I have 95 for mine. It’s time for me to step it up for real. The reason why I wanted to go against him is because we’re so close in weight and I know he’ll give me a run for my money – he already is! In a way, I’m an emotional masochist. I wallowed in my blah-ness and shoved my face with ice cream and Oreos knowing it’ll make me feel worse. That’s my thing, I KNOW what I’m doing. I knew I’ll feel crappy when I purchased it, I knew I’ll feel crappy as I was eating it, but I still did it.

Now it’s time to find myself again and kick some butt! Not because 2012 is around the corner, because honestly, I don’t need a new year to get motivated. I’ve been in this journey far too long and it’s about time I finally get it together. Everything. Not just weight loss.

Oh oh oh – I have plans. (If you know me, you know I’m definitely a planner) and I finally decided to start pursuing the items on my bucket list! (More on that in the future) I’m pretty excited to start posting (and living) more! I’ll be including pictures. A lot more pictures.

Here’s to my awesomeness!

Truly Waiting and Depending on Him

I am now just learning that when you tell God, “Let it be Your will,” it means let it be HIS will!! Not, let it be His will and when things dont go how I plan, I try to take control and do it on my own. No. It’s about letting it go and letting God handle it – because He knows better than I ever will!!

He’s opening my eyes and helping me learn to accept and wait on Him. I love knowing I could depend on my God!!!

Change

Change requires change! Only a foolish person thinks they can keep doing the same thing they have always done and get a different result. – Joyce Meyer

Jealousy is Evil

When someone is jealous of you, they might try to get anything that you want, at any cost, just to make themselves feel they’re finally better than you. Crazy enough, not only did they prove how ‘twisted’ they really are, but they also digged themselves into a bigger mess than they ever imagined.

At the end of it all, whatever happens will leave them knowing (once again) how AMAZING you truly are, causing them to become more mad – Not knowing that if you’re tempted enough, there’s a huge possibility of them receiving some bodily injury on top of feeling inferior (again.) Sad but so true. >:-O

Jealousy is evil. Say “NO” to jealousy, Kids – Before you get yourself into some real trouble!

I’ll Stop Complaining

There has been times when I’ve gotten tired of “being there for others” – People I dont even know would randomly come up to me and tell me about themselves, sometimes even details. When I began having tough times of my own I got angry and wondered “when will it be MY turn to have someone listen and actually care!? Why am I always the one that has to be there for others?”

Then I started observing how others react when people speak to them and I realized that not everyone has the patience I have. Not everyone actually stops to really listen. I was surprised by how very few people take a moment to smile at strangers, especially does in need.

I began really looking at peoples reactions and also noticed how they just don’t want to be bothered, I suppose some just have a “hard” or “cold” facial expression, some just plain judgemental. Someone could be speaking about a tough time and it’s as if they’re emotionally not there. I can’t do that. I’m an emotional woman. Anything I hear or go through effects me in some way. I used to think it was a bad thing, but now I see that by me truly feeling for those who confide in me, it’s not only (hopefully) helping them but also helping me be more humble and grateful.

The more I thought about all of this the more my heart-ached for those who have tried reaching out to someone, anyone, that never took the time to really show love. Sometimes we just need to speak to a friendly face that cares and makes them  feel like they aren’t being judged, that they’re equal.

A simple smile could go a long way and I am beginning to really see it! I’ve always kept to myself and avoided anyone who looked as if they would start conversation with me, but I won’t do that anymore.

I will never complain again. I will gladly be there when needed because a little could have a HUGE impact. <3

Love

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love,” which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. <3
— Louis de Bernières

Surrounded by A-Holes

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.” – William Gibson

#TRUTH

Broken Hearts

Me: *singing the chorus to Broken Hearts Parade*
Josh: *confused look* “huh? Why are the hearts broken?”
Me: uhh. well, Bebe you know paper hearts? Yeah, paper hearts! Well the paper broke because that’s what happens sometimes…  :-/
Josh: Or maybe they just don’t want to love, huh Mama
Me:  o.O

I Stay Because I Love

When you love you want that person to be happy with or without you. You don’t wish them harm or talk badly about them. You don’t try to convince them to see things your way and then rid them from your life when they don’t.

When you love, you hold on to the friendship as much as possible because its better to have them as your friend than nothing at all.

When you’re easy to anger, hoping they get hurt so you could tell them “I told you so,” constantly jealous, and unwilling to listen… could you really say its love?

An Observation

I find it interesting when I am able to interact with someone when they are serving God as well as when they are not. It truly tells me what Im working with. Don’t get me wrong, when you go to God you’re (supposed to be) a new person. You trust God and allow Him to change you according to His will and He will. I’m a firm believer in that and my God is wonderful… but this post isn’t about Him, its about people.

I find it interesting that one person could be nice, preaching His word to others, telling others what they should do, dressing the part, and looking all holy, but then a few days later they’re the exact opposite, then sometime later they go back to trying to tell people what to do or even ACTING as if they’re oh so holy. Again, I’m not saying this to judge… I just find it a bit, maybe I say, fake? Not real? Forced?

And even if the person isn’t acting as if they are holier than everyone else, just the way they act when they’re far from God tells me a lot. You’re serving God and you are super sweet and an overall good person but once you decide you don’t want to be looking for Gods presence you do a total 360 and become deceiving and untrustworthy with some attitude? Was is that all about?

I’m not how I used to be two years ago. I have changed along the way, but regardless of where I have stood with God I have never forced His word on anyone. Ever. I’ll tell you my point of view if you ask, but of course, you are free to do as you wish.  I will accept that without judging.  Whether you’re in or out of church I won’t change how I am with you. Afterall, who am I to judge someone when I am human and imperfect myself?

I’ve had my ups, downs, and straight up crashes in my walk with God, but never have I changed who I am as a person. Whether I am doing Gods will or running from it, I am still the same. The thing that changes is my relationship with God and of course the way I feel spiritually and emotionally. But times that I decided to keep my distance, was I ever looking to hurt anyone? Was I ever trying to be deceitful and just plain nasty? Did I stop being there for others? Never. I’ve always been the best person I could be no matter what.

People just take advantage of it all. They’re not doing so great with God so they want to go all out and act up. That’s just a hot mess. Then you want to come back and judge the people who are struggling or not doing so great. That’s not cute. Everyone falls, no one is perfect, let’s be honest here. If you go from “holier” than everyone to nasty attitude and then switch back up the next day… where was your heart to begin with? You’re just an awesome actor to me.  Only God knows the heart but the way you present yourself says a lot and this of course is MY humble opinion.